What to Consider When Planning a First Look
Most couples choose to incorporate a ‘first look’ into their pre-ceremony events. Seeing and spending a moment with your fiancé before guests arrive can be a wonderfully personal and emotional moment and a great way to alleviate some pre-ceremony jitters. It’s also a great photo-op that can provide wonderful images you’ll cherish forever, providing the added benefit of extra time to mingle with your guests during cocktail hour! There are, however, other factors to consider when integrating it into your day-of timeline.
Why have a first look?
According to brides.com, the tradition of the bride and groom avoiding seeing one another before the ceremony stems from superstitious and practical reasons. It was not only considered bad luck, but centuries ago, when marriages were more of a business transaction between families (aka an arranged marriage), the bride would be kept hidden and veiled until the vows were stated during the ceremony. Since the bride and groom had likely never even met before the wedding, this would ensure the groom stated his vows before seeing the bride. Therefore, it would be too late to call anything off if he didn’t like what he saw, avoiding an embarrassing and shameful situation for the bride’s family. The stakes were high.
Luckily, those less-romantic times are behind us, and understandably, many couples who aren’t superstitious buck outdated ideologies by incorporating a first look into their day-of timeline. Besides keeping up with more modern customs, there are other benefits to scheduling a first look that will help you during the planning and execution process:
Schedule: When you schedule your first look and portraits before the wedding ceremony, you’ll have more time to mingle with guests during the cocktail hour. Whereas, if you wait to take portraits until after the ceremony, you’ll likely miss out on valuable time with your guests.
Logistics: If you’re comfortable seeing one another before the ceremony, you won’t have to worry about when/where to arrive or accidentally catching a glimpse of the other from across the venue. It takes some of the guesswork and stress out of the pre-ceremony planning.
Privacy: If you’d prefer not to have all of your friends and family watching as you see each other for the first time that day, a first look is a great opportunity to take each other in and even possibly shed some happy tears in private before it’s time for the ceremony.
While there are practical reasons for scheduling a first look, it’s important to remember that there’s also something sacred, symbolic, and exciting about waiting to see one another until the ceremony.
Staying apart beforehand represents two individuals remaining separate until they are united as ‘one’ in marriage.
This will make coming together for the first time that day at the altar in front of all your closest friends and family members more special and meaningful.
The Considerations
If you are still set on scheduling a first look, there are some factors you should keep in mind as you move forward with the planning process:
You’ll need to be ready earlier. Your first look should happen at least 2 hours before the ceremony to allow the time to take photos and to be sequestered before guests arrive. I usually ask my brides to remain out of sight of guests starting 1 hour before the ceremony, as some guests like to arrive much earlier than expected. Also, depending on the size of your wedding party, you may have to start hair and makeup preparations earlier in the morning to be done in time for the first look. As your planner, I’ll work with you and the photographer to identify the ideal time for your first look, considering hair, makeup, lighting, and location constraints. We’ll make sure the events of the day work together seamlessly.
The lighting might not be ideal for your portraits. Depending on the time of day for your first look, the sun may be overhead, which makes it trickier for photographers to capture you in the best light. As your planner, I’ll work with your photographer to ensure time is carved out later in the timeline — perhaps around sunset — to take additional photos of the two of you. You may also want to be whisked away to another location for additional photos — maybe the beach or forest, depending on the proximity of your wedding venue to such locations. The cocktail hour, or time traveling between the ceremony and reception sites, can be a good option for this type of rendezvous.
It isn’t just the two of you. If you choose to have your photographer or videographer capture your first look, remember that you won’t be alone during the moment. If you’d rather experience seeing each other without cameras, communicate your desires with your planner/coordinator or photographer. That way, you can be fully present without the need to pose for photos.
You won’t have your wedding bands on in the couple's photos. Your wedding bands are a visual and symbolic representation of your commitment to one another, so I would work with your photographer to capture a few additional photos of just the two of you after the ceremony to be sure some have you with your wedding bands on.
Some alternatives
If you choose to stay separate until the wedding ceremony, there are some fun alternative ways of making the anticipation personal, romantic, and fun.
Do a ‘first look’ with your parents. Once you are fully dressed and ready for photos, consider showing yourself off to your parents, who are also anxiously waiting to see you all dressed up and ready to be married. This is an important and memorable day for them, too, so carve out time to spend together before the ceremony, especially if they’ll be walking you down the aisle.
Send each other a note or gift. This is a personal and romantic way to connect before the ceremony begins. Leaving a sentimental gift or a note for your fiancé beforehand is a surefire way to let them know how much you love them and how excited you are to get married. Just make sure you plan out your gift or message well in advance so that preparing this sentiment doesn’t leave you stressed or overwhelmed. You can assign a family member or the wedding party to help deliver whatever you have in store.
Carve out extra time to spend with your guests. If you decide to hold off seeing one another until the ceremony, you should allow time for portraits during cocktail hour. This will mean less time for you to mingle with guests before the reception. As your planner, I’ll work with you to ensure you have enough time allotted to the ones you love most. This will look different based on the scale or complexity of your event, but we’ll find ways to get you the time you need to fully enjoy your wedding day.
Create a moment for just the two of you. If you’ve skipped the first look, chances are you’ll still want a moment alone after the ceremony to soak in the day. Utilize your bridal suite/getting-ready space to enjoy a cocktail and hors d’oeuvres together. I’ll work with your caterer to ensure some yummy refreshments are waiting for you. This moment could serve as another photo op if you choose.
Soak it all in. This is a celebration, after all! You’ve spent a lot of time, money, and energy to prepare for this day, filled with friends, family, good food, and spirits. The event will go by fast. You deserve to enjoy it to the fullest!
Your day, your way
Your wedding day should act as a reflection of your personality, lifestyle, and love story. However you choose to celebrate, you shouldn’t try tackling the planning process alone. As your planner, I’ll ensure all of the details come together seamlessly. I’ll help you make the most out of your day-of timeline so you can capture the best moments on camera and in your hearts. With everything to incorporate into your celebration, enjoying your day to the fullest will be at the top of the list.
I offer three different service packages: Full-Service Planning, Partial Planning, and Wedding-Day Management — each tailored to fit your needs. If you need a dedicated partner to help bring your wedding day to life, contact me today for a custom quote!
